Brittany - Therapist, Mother, Mormon

I grew up in Houston, and although I moved away just before middle school there's still a few people I grew up with there that I'm still in touch with.  Brittany is one of those people.  I have so many great memories with her, from Veggie Tales marathons to painting the fort her parents built in her backyard.  Even years later, we still have a similar sense of humor, just enjoying the inherent silliness of life!

Something we also share is a desire to reach out and understand people on the other side of an issue.  While I lean liberal, Brittany leans conservative, and over the years I've been consistently impressed with Brittany's ability to start and maintain productive, respectful dialogue on subjects that in anyone else's hands would turn into an online shouting match.  People like Brittany give me hope that my country and the world can get through this dark patch and learn how to work together despite our differences.

Only truly awesome people have hedgehogs.

What kind of work do you do?

I am an Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) therapist for children with autism.

What got you interested in this career?

I had a few cousins with autism and it was really interesting for me to see the differences between them and other people. I wondered why they acted that way, why they did things that other people don’t usually do, etc… I wanted to learn more about autism.

What’s your favorite thing about your job?

I LOVE seeing kids have a breakthrough “lightbulb” moment that changes the rest of their lives. My absolute favorite is when they realize “wait… all I have to do is make certain sounds come out of my mouth, and then you give me what I want?” Then comes an explosion of language… and motivation to go along with it!

What is your favorite thing to do for fun?

Play board games! I especially like the more complex ones that take a while to learn, but simpler ones are fun to play too! My current favorites include Settlers of Catan, Thunderstone, and Tales of the Arabian Nights.

Where do you live now?

Fayetteville, North Carolina. We are here because it is close to Fort Bragg, and my husband is in the army. This is our first duty station.

Where else have you lived?

I grew up in Houston, Texas and I call that home. I went to college in Provo, Utah.

What’s your favorite place that you’ve lived?

That is a tricky question. I think if being close to family wasn’t a factor, I would choose Provo, just because of the culture there. People there are generally really friendly, generous, and happy. They don’t call it “Happy Valley” for nothing.

What was your biggest culture shock moment?

When I moved out of Utah and went to the workplace amongst mostly non-Mormons, I was really surprised to see how much everyone swore – and not even just when getting hurt or when angry – just swear words thrown into casual conversation. It still makes me cringe.

What is your biggest worry right now?

I worry a lot about my son – his development, making sure he is happy and healthy. If he doesn’t meet a milestone, I make it my personal mission to do everything I can to help him practice so that he can meet it.

Brittany is also a fierce hiker, aided by the great Gandalf stick.

Which do you prefer, Mormon or LDS?

LDS is the more preferred term, so I will use the term “LDS” for the rest of this post. It is short for “Latter-day Saint”, which is a name for a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (the whole long name of the Church). We have been nicknamed “Mormons” by others because we believe in the Book of Mormon (in conjunction with the Bible).

However, “Mormon” is not an offensive term to us – we only prefer LDS because LDS describes more accurately who we are and what we stand for. The term “LDS” also helps to distinguish us from offshoot groups we are not associated with, such as the FLDS and RLDS churches (who you can research if you are interested in the difference).

Mormon modesty – what does it mean to you, especially in the context of today’s third-wave feminism?

Let me put a disclaimer here: While I believe that most of what I am saying is also what the Church says on the topic, there are portions of my message that are my own personal opinion, and in no way should my statements be viewed as a statement in behalf of the whole church. The LDS church’s official stance on modesty can be viewed here.

The LDS church’s view of modesty can be understood best in context of the law of chastity – meaning, the Lord’s commandment not to have sex with anyone except one’s legal husband or wife. Let’s consider breaking the law of chastity to be compared to falling off a cliff (spiritually). The LDS church emphasizes not only not falling off the cliff, but especially staying as far as possible away from the edge. Because the closer you get to sin, the easier it is to slip.

Sexual sin starts with sexual desire. Now if you consider that wearing sexually suggestive or revealing clothing can stimulate sexual desires in you or others, that means you’re getting one step closer to the edge of the cliff. So, while it’s not anywhere near as bad as falling off the cliff, it’s still something to be avoided.

This next part is the part where I state my opinion and where I can foresee offending someone, and let me just say that I am not trying to put words in anyone’s mouth or condemn anyone. I am simply stating my opinions regarding what I have observed and understood.

That being said, as modesty in the LDS church pertains to modern feminism, we are already starting out from different standpoints because avoiding sexual sin is not usually a concern to the modern feminist. But even if we don’t consider that at all, it seems to me that the current prevalent attitude of the third wave feminist would be “As a female, I have the freedom to say, wear, or do whatever I want, and if my actions or words happen to negatively affect someone else, I don’t care” (or even sometimes: “good!”). While the first part of that statement is legitimate, I take issue with the second part. It is fantastic to want freedom. Freedom is what our country was built on. But I think that our freedom to do what we want should also be balanced with concern for others and what they want. For example, if you know that it’s a huge deal to someone else that they must do all they can to avoid sexual temptation, and it’s only a small fraction of that big deal to you that you wear your mini skirt to the grocery store today, then in that case you could choose to wear your mini skirt at home and put on your jeans for the grocery store, out of consideration for others.

How do the recent Supreme Court rulings on gay marriage affect you personally? 

Here’s where you may be surprised by my answer: They don’t.

Just like global warming doesn’t affect me personally. My point is, just because an issue doesn’t affect us personally, doesn’t mean it’s not worth standing for. My opposition to gay marriage is based on a larger scale: concern for society over time. Let me explain why.

A very foundational principle in the LDS church is the importance of the traditional family. Understanding the exact reasons for this would take a long time to explain here, but if you are interested you can find them in “The Family: A Proclamation to the World”, a document published by the LDS church in 1995. Given the importance we place on the traditional family, and society recently attacking the traditional family in many ways (e.g. increasing tolerance for divorce, children out of wedlock, lack of fidelity in marriage, and gay marriage, just to name a few), we are concerned about the eventual decline and complete disregard for the traditional family, as well as the effects of this on the attitudes and behavior of society as a whole.

We are also concerned about this particular legislation’s effect on our religious freedom, possibly resulting in our clergy being forced to perform marriages we do not believe in, members being forced to demonstrate support for gay marriage in the workplace, or eventually the Church being legally forbidden to teach what we believe is true about the family.

The LDS church’s official statement on the gay marriage debate, including and expounding on many of the things I have said, can be found here.

Have they (the Supreme Court rulings on gay marriage) impacted anyone you know?

I know a few (non-LDS) gay couples who have gotten married since the legislation, so obviously it has impacted them. I also do have a friend who used to belong to the LDS church who is gay, and he became upset over the Church’s stance on the gay marriage legislation and recently decided to leave the Church, which actually really made me sad. We still talk occasionally and we are still friendly towards each other although he knows I do not support gay marriage.

I have, however, heard several news stories about different people or organizations being penalized for not supporting gay marriage in various ways. Again, though, the real impacts of the ruling are going to be gradual and over time, not immediate.

As a side note, there are many, many more LDS members who are gay (meaning, have homosexual feelings) but choose not to lead an actively gay lifestyle or seek gay marriage, who still support the Church and are active members. Mormonsandgays.org is a Church sponsored website full of conversations about gays and the Church that is quite interesting to peruse.

What are your views on the role of women in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints?

In “The Family: A Proclamation to the World”, which I referenced above, it states that “gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.” So, our spirits had a gender before they came into our bodies, and we will still be the same gender after we die. This bit of doctrine is essential to understanding our position on this topic.

What the LDS believe about women can be answered by a Bible verse (yes, we use the Bible as well as the Book of Mormon): “Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 11:11) That is, we are equal in importance to God, and neither can attain the highest degree of salvation without the other.

Women and men alike can preach sermons in Sunday meetings and in the Church’s worldwide general conference. They both can serve full-time proselytizing missions. They both can perform and officiate in holy priesthood rites in Church temples. They both can lead organizations within the Church. They both can teach classes in Sunday meetings and at Church universities. They both can participate in priesthood councils at local and general levels. They both can receive blessings bestowed by the priesthood. The list goes on and on. Two key differences: women cannot preside in priesthood offices. Men cannot lead the children’s group. Why these differences?

You already know that men and women have different physical strengths that are programmed into our bodies. Men tend to have more upper body strength and are more muscular, while women tend to have more lower body strength and are more flexible. Similarly, we believe that men and women have different spiritual strengths that are programmed into our spirits. We believe that God has given men and women different roles to fulfill on Earth based on what our gender excels at spiritually. Specifically, men are primarily responsible for presiding over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Women are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. Both are to help one another as equal partners in a marriage.

Many people say, “but the men’s task sounds better/more prestigious, so it must be more important.” A career as a politician is generally more prestigious than a career as a teacher, too… but I ask, is a teacher any less important to society than a politician? No, we need both.

Bottom line is, we believe that men and women are equal in eternal importance, and need each other for eventual exaltation. We simply have different roles to fulfill here on Earth.

Brittany dons a shalwar kameez for a religion swap with a Hindu friend.

What’s the one myth you’d like to dispel about Mormons?

We don’t hate gays! In fact, we don’t hate anyone. We all sin; we all make mistakes. As a popular saying goes, “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you.” We are repeatedly taught to LOVE and show kindness to everyone, as Jesus did. God said in the Bible, the two greatest commandments are to love the Lord and to love your neighbor (meaning other people). If you meet a Mormon who is purposely being unkind to anyone, they are unfortunately choosing to break one of God’s two greatest commandments. Please don’t take it as a reflection on the entire Church or assume that all Mormons must be that way.

What do you wish you could tell people, that you wish people knew?

I wish people knew what the Book of Mormon was. People focus so much on how and when it was translated, that they don’t think about what it actually contains. It’s actually a really cool historical document.

The Book of Mormon is a volume of holy scripture like the Bible. It is a record of God’s dealings with ancient inhabitants of the Americas. It was written by several ancient prophets (and abridged by another ancient prophet named Mormon – hence the name) and gives an account of two great civilizations – one that came from Jerusalem in 600 BC and separated into two groups called the Nephites and Lamanites, and one group (called the Jaredites) that came much earlier when the Lord confounded the tongues at the Tower of Babel. After thousands of years, all these nations were destroyed except the Lamanites, and the Lamanites are among the ancestors of the Native Americans. The most important event recorded in the Book of Mormon is Jesus Christ visiting the Nephites shortly after His resurrection.

The prophet Mormon finished abridging the record, then delivered the record to his son Moroni, who added a few words of his own and then buried it in a hill so it wouldn’t be destroyed (Moroni was the last surviving Nephite), in approximately A.D. 421. In 1823 the resurrected Moroni appeared to Joseph Smith and instructed him how to find the record and translate it into English.

Anything else you want to talk about that I didn’t ask?

Nope, that’s about it. Thank you for the chance to participate!